Saturday, November 23, 2013

I'm baaaaaccckkkk!

It has been a long time since I've blogged. I've been busy. Since my last blog I've bought a house, thrown my first party, celebrated Halloween in my new neighborhood and a few other important things. My life has changed in so many ways and I've been so busy living it, I haven't written.

My dad said to me recently (ok - two months ago), that I seemed happy and that was all he wanted for me. I am happy with most things in my life. I am a different person in so many ways. My wild streak that started when I moved to San Antonio is finally over. I've stopped my childish ways, and finally settled down. I think I needed a house. A place to call my own. The result is I've settled down.

I'm looking at my future and I see so many changes coming. Big things. Nothing will ever be the same. I'm adjusting to a different lifestyle and making long term plans for the first time in my life. 

This week I have many emotions swirling around. I miss my mom a lot. I wonder if she'd be proud of what I'm doing. I always miss her this time of year. Next week we are starting a new family tradition, and I'm excited. I'm sad, and feeling a little lonely, which is weird because I'm renting a room to a friend right now, and for the first time in my post-college life, I have a roommate. I haven't been alone in a while. I don't know what to do with myself. 

I really feel like my life has been in a holding pattern the last few months. I've been waiting for something to happen, but I'm not sure what. The anticipation is killing me. The stress is making me sick. My body is literally rebelling on me. For a month I could barely move my neck. It's better now, but it was painful to say the least. Work has been killer, and a bored co-worker has decided a passive aggressive war on me. She is a pain and has nothing better to do. It's getting old quick.

In addition to my own issues, a close friend is going through a very tough time. I try to be supportive, but sometimes I just think I'm being pushy. Giving suggestions based on my knowledge of certain things can be exhausting. I'm not sure what is worse, trying to make sure I have the correct answers or my fear of being too bossy. I'm trying to walk a fine line, and frankly I wish it was over. It's tough for everyone involved. The sooner it's over the better everyone will be.

Anyway - I just wanted to write for a few minutes. Try to focus on anything except missing people. The holidays are so hard.

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