Who's Going to Comfort You?

We all face hard times. We all get sad. We all long, even deep down in the recesses of our heart, for someone to comfort us when we are sad. 

The entire time my mom was sick, I think I would have done anything for someone to just hold me while I cried. No words required. Just put their arms around me and let me let go. To be able to lean on anyone for a time would have been relief. My friends were there for me to vent to, and even cry to, but they couldn't for a minute help relieve the physical and mental burden I had. I couldn't physically lean on anyone. God knows we all had our issues, but I tried to stay strong.

I wish I had someone to help me with my debt and the mental anguish and guilt that comes with it. My mom's illness basically took all of my savings and started me on the road to debt. Then I got sick again. My medical bills have been astronomical. It wouldn't have been so bad if I had the backup I lost after three months without pay.  Then to add onto my medical bills, what do I do, but move to another state. I am so far in debt that all I do is pay bills.

My weight loss program didn't help either. I dropped down five sizes. I've had to replace my entire wardrobe. Clothes are expensive. More debt please. I'm counting the day until I get my car paid off so I can use that money to pay down my debt. Alas, this is only one of my stresses. It wears me down and brings me low to know I've done this to myself.

Back to the subject, it is rare I get physical comfort from anyone. I'm not a touchy feely type of person. I don't invite that kind of physical contact from people. I've had to adjust to people hugging down here. I feel like I jump when people touch me sometimes. I would really do anything to be able to cry on someone. The last person I cried on literally picked me up, dumped me in a car drove me home, carried me up the stairs to my apartment then dumped me on the floor before leaving me curled in a ball.

That was the last time I let myself cry on someone else. He was so horrified by my emotions he dumped me on the floor of my apartment. Is it any wonder I don't let my feelings show? My friends and family know I'm one of the most emotional people you will ever meet. I am passionate and even affectionate at times. I am trapped, however, in box when it comes to showing emotion out of my comfort zone. I really am a big fat fake. I'm not cold-hearted or ice cold. My emotions are usually in a fiery blaze, but I'm not going to show it because my emotions scare people off. I will keep things close to the vest because otherwise, I will end up curled up in a ball on the floor alone once again.

I don't really get comfort from anyone. Not the physical kind I need at times. Mental comfort is there is spades, but physical comfort is sorely lacking in my life. This is something I need to evaluate. Why is it I seem to scare people off, and what can I do to change the fact?

Think about who comforts you. Is it your spouse, your child, your family? Who is there for you when you are sad? Right now, I can't really answer that question.